These types of books always needle their way into my heart and soul. The hardest loss will always be your own.' But it was also important to acknowledge and accept your pain, to understand that no matter how large or small your problems, your losses, your wounds - they are yours. To show gratitude, to count your blessings. It was important to recognize your privilege, yes. What's become most apparent to her in all of this is that she isn't worthy of love. The pain is far too exhausting to live with. She just wants the darkness to make it all go away. She gives, and gives, and gives until she has nothing left of herself anymore. With every break it becomes increasingly more difficult to pick up the shattered pieces to make her heart whole again. Over the course of a year and a half Adelaide's heart will break time and time again.

There was no world in which she wouldn't dive headfirst in love with Rory Hughes. 'She was always going to jump into this lake, no matter how dark or dangerous it turned out to be she was too intrigued by its shimmering surface to even consider turning away. Sure, he doesn't ever reciprocate her giving nature but he does take, take, take.time and time again. Sure, he sometimes vanishes for weeks at a time. Sure, he doesn't always return her texts. His name is Rory and he's everything she has ever dreamed of in a partner.

It's fate, serendipity, Adelaide believes. She then laughs and runs off only to cross paths with this same man months down the road after meeting on a dating app. One night, while tipsy and barefoot, she approaches a man at the bar and tells him that he looks just like a Disney prince. She is kind, caring, and generous and has a group of friends both back home and in London that would do absolutely anything for her, as she would for them.

It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.' ~ Mary OliverĪdelaide is a young woman that has moved from Brooklyn to London for her career. 'Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness.

Adelaide genevieve wheeler